The Target Trip of a Lifetime

Jump Kicks, have you ever seen one? Well if not just check out this video.

Now to the story, today my mom took my older sister and I to Target. It was an average old day until we got to the chip aisle. Where, my sister decided to just kick me. She kicked me about 3 times before I got fed up. Well, the fourth time she must've gotten a little Bruce Lee confident, because she tried to do one of those jump kicks [which can be seen above]. WRONG TIME! I put my hand out under her leg, and watched her become parallel to the ground. It went somewhat like this:

And that's why today 9/21/10 as of 4:29 p.m. will be forever marked as the target trip of a lifetime.

When I Was Little...

The older I get, the more I confess about what I thought when I was younger, which tells me that as a kid I was pretty messed up. Some of the things I thought were because of what my older sister said, but the scary part was most of my thoughts were caused by my VERY own "imagination."

I'm gonna start off with what my sister told me, because those were the ones that kept me scared for awhile up until I was 11 or so.

I Though Giants Were Living in Our City*

Once my mom took my sister and I to World Market Plus. I was having a blast! Checking out all the fun gadgets. Things were going great. UNTIL my sister decided to point out one of those large spoons [like so: http://ny-image0.etsy.com/il_fullxfull.122004120.jpg]. As a young and inquisitive child I jokingly asked "Who'd use that big of a spoon?" And she said in the most eerie voice...
Being young and impressionable I believed her. For years I lived in fear of a giant peeking over my house and reaching into my room like King Kong, only to eat me. It didn't help that I was also reading The Spiderwick Chronicles. Later on, it was explained that they were only decorative, but I'm still having some second thoughts.

You think that story's bad? Wait till you hear this one...

I Didn't Let People Close To My Neck*
One time after a conversation on the secret ways to hurt people, my sister shared a story that I will never forget. She told me the story of how if you were hit on the back of your neck you would instantly go blind.

Again this idea stuck with me, and I lived in fear. To get her way, my sister would even threaten to hit me in the neck. Hold on, my sister's screaming "NO I DIDN'T" in the background. See that's what you call in denial boys and girls. Anyway, for a period of time I even wore a scarf everywhere! I would instantly get nervous around anyone who would stand behind me.

Then on one faithful day I tested the theory, and it turned out it wasn't true I was so ecstatic to find out that it wasn't true! I even started slapping my neck really hard just to make sure, and guess what I can STILL see!

WATCH OUT LADY!

Now I can't keep playing the blame game, because half of my ideas I thought were because of myself.

I Thought I Had To Keep Thinking*

Another terror story brought to you by my sister.

Waaay back in the day, I was talking with my sister and she decided to tell me ANOTHER fun fact. That told me about the fact that if you stopped thinking you'd die. So here I am a little 7 year old worried sick about the fact that if one simple thought slips my mind I'm gone for good.

I Never Understood Ped Xing
This story is probably the scariest one, since I've just recently discovered the truth.
Naturally, the "Ped Xing" is a simple sign used to inform people and keep them aware of the fact that there are PEDestrians CROSS(X-)ING.

Well, not for me. I always thought that it was ACTUALLY pronounced "Ped Exing". And for pretty much all my life I had been confused by the phrase. Easily getting upset whenever I saw the sign because i just couldn't comprehend their fancy talk.

Well, once I really figured out what it all meant simple phrases like "X-mas" all made since! You see 'X' can also stand for 'Chris'

I Never Comprehended 'Not A Through Street'
'Not A Through Street' simple enough to understand, right? Read it and you know the street you're gonna go through probably ends in a cul-de-sac or so. Wrong.

For a second time, I didn't understand a simple street sign that can easily be read by a pre-schooler. I believed that this sign notified people that the street that they were going to go down was safe. You see, I thought that the sign said "Not A TOUGH Street" Meaning that the street was safe to go down, and had no dangers.

So whenever I saw that sign I always felt a safe and cozy feeling.

When really the reality was that I was looking at some random alley.

Now that I think about it I was just completely confused when it came to street signs.

I Thought Apples Would Bleed

As a kid, I learned (the hard way) this simple formula:

So naturally I thought that this formula worked if you plugged in anything including apples.

This was just a tiny theory where I thought it but was still sort of skeptical, because I had never seen it happen. Then one day when I had a loose tooth and an apple to eat, so I just took a bite. Only to be horrified when I pulled the apple out of my mouth. My tooth had come out! And so did the apple's blood. At the sight of this I totally disregarded the fact that my tooth came out. I was determined to prove to my family that my theory was correct! It went like so:


Later, after my mom explained to me how my tooth caused the blood, and how apples have no veins so they can't bleed. Now, I only believe that theory with bananas!

So, those are my stories, well some at least! Have some stories of your own? Share 'em in the comments! Here is your safe zone.

*Besides these horrific story, TRUST me my sister is really a nice person

Etiquette

YAY! I've made it to my second blog post, and I have yet to be shut down! But I see you guys are trying to get me shut down, considering the fact that most of you voted for "something REAL controversial" But, since you guys want me to do something controversial, I decided to blog about a topic that I know will strike a nerve in anyone...

Costco Sample Etiquette

Yes, yes I know call me crazy, I am really going too far, but hey you guys asked for it so here it goes.

The following passage will consist of tips, hints, and advice on how to survive the Costco Sample scene. Cuz, it is a jungle out there.

The first thing that I am going to talk about is EXTREMELY important. Which is why I put it first. I'm gonna talk about Sampling Safety.

When it comes to getting samples your safety is extremely important, and no I'm not just talking about getting shanked with a plastic serving fork, I'm talking about the most deadly thing, the food.

No matter how sweet the servers are, still keep your eyes peeled. You can still be friendly, but watch how they handle the food. Make sure that if the server has the sniffles or coughs, they don't sniffle in your fruit juice or cough all on your garlic bread.

Once, I saw a server drop one of the samples on the counter, and pick it up and serve it. The sample fell in the exact space where a little boy had wiped his booger. Luckily, I took the sample and threw it away! But you see, these are the kind of things you must be aware and alert about. These are the kind of actions that should be done to make sampling a safer place.

Also, keep your eyes peeled on the exact place of your sample. For your safety, I have created a diagram for you.

Here's something that every sampler should know: Don't bring any useless baggage (kids, carts, that really awesome space heater you found on aisle 2, etc.) because it gets in the way of EVERYONE. But, note that this extra baggage (if and only if used properly) can easily get you more samples at once.

Which brings me to another topic, one that I like to call "The Rule of Thirds (and Seconds)"

Here's the scenario. You just tried some of the iced coffee, and its delicious, but you were extra friendly with the server. Will she remember your face? Suddenly, your mind is overcome with different ideas, that start to stress you out. Should you change your hair? Should you go home and put on different clothes? How will you ever get another taste of that deliciousness? and the WORST question of all: What if you get banned from Costco for taking too many samples of the same thing?!?

Well calm down, I mean you probably look like some psycho freaking out.

You don't want this to be you.

So first take some deep breaths even if they do smell like the deliciousness you've been thinking about. Now here are some things you can do.

1. Just go take another sample, I mean do you not know the definition of the word 'sample'?

n."a small part of anything or one of a number, intended to show the quality, style, or nature of the whole; specimen."

2. Use another person. Please note that this option only works if you have multiple siblings, or multiple amounts of cash to pay someone

3. Walk around a little bit, and wait until either the servers changed or its been a long enough time that the server has forgotten your face (1-3 mins.)

Now sample lines are an extremely serious topic. Although it may seem as if the Costco sample lines are just scrambled about, this whole line theory shouldn't be taken lightly.

When it comes to these lines they don't really exist but then again they do.

Its kind of like the theory on UFOs/aliens (which I totally believe in). Some people have experiences with it and they believe, then you just have believers, and then you have the non-believers.

Anyway whether or not you see a sample line, you must act as if you do. Here are some rules to follow and make sure you don't get shanked by that sweet old lady who just wants to try the Tilapia.

1.Be sweet to the old and young. As in, if you see an elderly lady and/or man that is sampling the same thing as you, make sure you don't grab the sample right from over there noses (even if you were there first). Same thing goes for younger kids. But be in mind that if that person is anywhere from their late teens to their early 50's you snatch that sample from under their nose as if they stole it from you.

2.Don't cut! I mean the previous rule only goes for if you were there first. Because if there is someone (WHATEVER age) that was there before you, don't cut them, its simply and utterly rude.

3.Don't get pushy. It doesn't matter if you're super excited about that pesto chicken, because it gets weird, and uncomfortable for the people in the front of the line. If it gets crowded enough, don't try to crowd surf, I know it doesn't work. The only outcome is a foot in a microwave, and probably a concussion.

Also, be aware of the sampling schedule. Generally this is how the schedule works.

Monday to Thursday = the avegare days, you’ll find average samples with average tastes, and its all average (not that I’m saying that they don’t taste good, cuz they do)

Friday = Delicious Day, pretty much this is the day where they put out all of they’re really good samples.

Saturday= SUPERDUPER AWESOME SAUCE DAY! This is the day when a lot of people go to Costco (cuz usually its they’re day off of work), so Costco wants the people to buy as many items, so they really go out with a BANG! They’ve got stands made specifically for certain restaurants, it’s a five star day. I recommend going to get samples on Saturday.

Sunday= Leftovers, this is the day when Costco has just given out ALL of there best samples to offer on Saturday, and all of the really good ones Monday through Friday. So on Sunday, you’re most likely to find samples like these :

Anyway, those are the tips that'll help you survive any Costco Sample line! Please note, that if these tips don't help its not my fault, and you can't sue me for the cost of getting the plastic serving fork surgically removed.

Back-to-School

WOOHOO! This is my first official blog-post!

*throws confetti*

One day you and me both will look back at this and go “WOW! Syd’s come a loooong way!” Anyway, I decided that my first blog post should cover something really controversial, something that almost every kid tries to avoid : SCHOOL! *dramatic music plays* Now, don't you go exiting out of this blog just because I'm about to talk about school. Cuz you see, I'm gonna be talking about something worse! Going BACK to school!

*super dramatic music plays*

Anyway, I'm gonna talk now, so you better listen up! (Ha, do you see what I did there?)

Have you ever seen those Sears and JCPenney back-to-school commercials? Well, if you haven't check 'em out.

JCPenney's Lies

This kind of advertisement leads up to a feeling of excitement for awhile, keeping you excited every day of school, until picture day comes, bringing nothing but the norm.

Sears' Lies

Where are these kids backpacks?!?

Now I'm pretty sure that all of you guys that go to school realize that you can't do those kind of things in real people school, even if you try to make them. (Trust me, I've tried)

So why do advertisers think that? They want to get you hyped for school.

And I'll admit, yes I do end up getting hyped for going back to school. Because after I get my clothes, and my cool backpack. I feel like I'm looking fresh. I can't wait to see how my friends look, you know, I'm genuinely excited. Until the day I get to the school that I actually attend.

You see, after your mind is filled with ideas about how exciting my first day back could be, you can only expect the best. Then, when you get to your first period class and see no ones shaking their groove thang, or getting down with their bad selves, you start to loose hope. And this goes on for 4 WHOLE periods. You try blasting 'Watch Me Move' by Fefe Dobson, but the only outcome is an iPod confiscation. But then you get to lunch, with your expectations lower than before, but still high enough. You find yourself being the only one walking on a lunch table strutting your stuff. But, the true turning point is when your jerkin' down the hallway, alone, with no one by your side, doing that choreographed dance that you imagined.

These commercials don't have a disclaimer that says something along the lines of "Please note: This is a fake school set, adults are not actual school authority. Act with caution" Simple actions that you see in these commercials aren't supposed to be acted out because:
Leaving School Property to Dance counts as... Cutting Class
Changing a Certified School Poster counts as... Vandalism
Staying in the Hallways After Tardy Bell counts as... Defying School Rules
Jumping Up On a Table counts as... Destruction of School Property

So, this is the down spiral that all Back-to-School commercials cause. Thus making your first day back even more traumatizing then it could've been.

Ways to avoid this problem? None, because no matter how aware you are of this trap they'll still get you. Heck, I know they get me.

I can give Staples their props for making their advertisment a whole lot more realistic.

POST POST POST CEREAL :D

HALLO DERE. I AM A TEST POST.